Today we celebrate our independence, our freedom
69 years of independence in our small and beloved country
Freedom to stand on our own, upright and proud
Freedom from outside influences
Freedom to act as we choose
Freedom to create boundaries and maintain order
Freedom that I could not enjoy during all the years I was addicted
All the years I was heavily addicted I could not even see how dependent I was. What started out as fun, hanging out with the guys, slowly took hold of me. Without realizing it, I lost control of myself. I became completely dependent. What started out as a friend became the boss, and I the slave. I did not recognize the point of no return I had crossed. I completely denied that I was addicted. I felt in control of my drug use, and of course, I knew better than anyone else.
My family and close friends worried about me and tried to convince me that I was addicted, that it had to be dealt with. But the thought of dealing with reality was too frightening. Slowly they lost hope and gave up on me.
When I started to feel the consequences of using, I thought I’d be able to get back to my previous life alone without help. I’ve tried. And I thought I was okay – until the next dose. Once again, I imagined that everything was fine.
I continued to run away from reality, to run away from myself, to break away from society and everyone around me.
I sank down. Inside I cried for help, but I did not know where to turn. I never dreamed that I could regain my independence and control of my life. I didn’t know how hard it would be to escape the demons inside my head; they were the only ones left when everyone gave up on me.
Then I found Retorno. Slowly I learned to recognize my pain. I learned to draw strength from it and to cope. One day at a time.
I do not celebrate independence today. I celebrate independence every day. Every day I manage to stand on my own and not fall. Every day I open my eyes and see the path before me, and am grateful for the difficulties that got in the way.
Today I’m clean for 69 days.
69 days of independence.
For 69 days I have been responsible for my life and for coping with my addiction.
I beg you, anyone who feels trapped and thinks you can’t get back your freedom – Don’t try to go it alone, because alone is impossible. Call Retorno. Ask for help.
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