Dear Rabbi Eckstein,
Before I arrived here I didn’t have any idea what was Retorno going to be like. Perhaps just another rehab in a distant country where no one could see me suffering, where no one could hear me complaining about my life and misery.
*And as time went by, I can certainly assure you that this was not a cool walk in the park, Disney World is far away, just a distant illusion. But it saved my life.
I remember when I started partying three decades ago just after entering college back in Peru and then in Boston, where I met other guys who smoked cigarettes, marijuana, drank booze and snorted cocaine. At the beginning, I didn’t like any of it, but slowly and surely I ended up in the loop so as not to feel left out. I used to get very sick when I drank – and I drank a lot.
And then, when I discovered the mix of alcohol with cocaine, it was the miraculous potion that made everything possible. It was a one-way ticket to happiness… I forgot my fears, insecurities, no more pain, no more memories of growing up in a dysfunctional household. It was just pure pleasure!
However, drinking and using drugs began to seriously affect me, both physically and spiritually. As the years went by, I didn’t suspect that I was becoming very ill. I didn’t know that I was risking everything I had worked for over the years, including my family. Then I started gambling and lost a considerable fortune.
As time went on, one day everything hit the fan, and I lost just about everything but my life. I went through five treatment centers before finding Retorno. Doctors back home had started prescribing me all kinds of pills, since they kind of figured that I had some kind of psychiatric disorder which was effectively treatable with medicine. I stopped drinking booze and smoking pot but then I became addicted to prescriptions, especially clonazepam (Clonex), which I was taking about 20mg/day (10 pills) up to the day I arrived at Retorno, all the way from Lima.
When I arrived at Retorno, I was so sick I could barely walk for several weeks, and had so much pain all over my body from withdrawal syndrome from constant overdoses and mix of substances, that I literally lived on painkillers The doctor here started reducing the dosage of Clonex from the first day of my arrival, and with patience, just after a few months I must tell you that it’s been a week since I last took the last dose and I feel OK.
Lately, I am rebuilding relationships with my family, including my children, I feel younger and I am clean from any kind of substance. I go to regular 12 Step meetings in Jerusalem and I am making new friends here in Israel while working on making aliyah and other projects.
Thank you, and all of Retorno, for finally having helped me get a renewed sense of life values again and true hope that things will get better.
D.
