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Codependence/living with an addict problem? Take the self-test

Living with someone who is addicted changes your life too. Covering for them, paying their debts, walking on eggshells and losing sleep can slowly become normal. This free, confidential self-test has 15 short yes-or-no questions for spouses, parents and other family members. It takes about three minutes, and at the end you will see what your answers suggest and what to consider next.

Take the codependency self-test

Answer each question honestly, thinking about your relationship with the person who is struggling with addiction.

Living With an Addict: Codependency Self-Assessment Quiz

Living with someone who is addicted affects the whole family. This confidential self-assessment looks at how your loved one’s addiction may be affecting you. Answer each question honestly. The results are not a diagnosis, but they can help you decide whether to get support for yourself.

1 / 15

Have you ever missed work or school because of your relationship with someone who is addicted?

2 / 15

Has this relationship ever made you unhappy or held back your own goals?

3 / 15

Has your reputation been affected by this relationship?

4 / 15

Have you ever felt guilty after manipulating a situation?

5 / 15

Have you ever paid debts or bills, or solved other money problems, that belong to someone else?

6 / 15

Do you feel a need for revenge after a disagreement?

7 / 15

After winning an argument, do you feel you need to make your point again?

8 / 15

Do you stay in relationships until your last hope is gone?

9 / 15

Have you ever put off buying things you need because it might lead to an argument?

10 / 15

Have you ever stayed in a degrading or dangerous relationship longer than you wanted to?

11 / 15

Do you bring old grievances into current discussions?

12 / 15

Do arguments, disappointments or frustrations make you want to change the other person?

13 / 15

Do you ever think that if your loved one would only see things your way, life would be much better?

14 / 15

Have you ever thought about hurting yourself in order to control another person’s behavior?

15 / 15

Do you have trouble sleeping because of a difficult relationship?

The results are not a diagnosis. They can help you see how the addiction has affected you, and whether it is time to get support for yourself.

What is codependency?

Codependency is a pattern in which caring for someone with an addiction gradually takes over your own life. Your mood depends on theirs, you try to control their behavior, and you protect them from the consequences of their addiction, often at a high cost to yourself. It usually grows out of love and fear, not weakness.

Common warning signs

  • Covering for your loved one’s behavior, at home, at work or in the community
  • Paying their debts or solving their problems for them
  • Putting your own needs, health and plans last
  • Trying to control their using, and feeling responsible when they use
  • Avoiding conflict at almost any price
  • Trouble sleeping, constant worry, and feeling alone with it

Help for families

Families do better when they get support for themselves, not only for their loved one. At Retorno, our English-speaking team offers guidance for family members, including parents and spouses who live abroad, by phone or video. Helpful reading: You may also want to take our codependency and people-pleasing self-test. If you are in danger, or have thought about hurting yourself, please reach out now: in the US, call or text 988 or call 911; for help with an abusive relationship, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. In Israel, call 1201 (ERAN) or 100 for the police.

Frequently asked questions

What is the difference between helping and enabling?

Helping supports recovery. Enabling protects the person from the consequences of their addiction, for example by paying their debts or covering for them, and can make it easier for the addiction to continue.

Is codependency my fault?

No. Codependency usually develops out of love and fear while living with addiction. Recognizing it is the first step toward changing it.

Can I get help even if my loved one refuses treatment?

Yes. Family members can get guidance and support for themselves, and this often makes it more likely that their loved one will accept help.

To understand how addiction and codependency feed each other, read the connection between addiction and codependency.

Finished the self-test?

You don't have to figure this out alone

A self-test can't diagnose an addiction, but it can be a sign that it's time to talk to someone. Our English-speaking team can help you understand your options, for yourself or for someone you love.

Call (646) 248-7297
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