Am I codependent, or just a caring person? Helping others is a good thing. Codependency is when helping turns into losing yourself: your mood depends on someone else’s, you find it almost impossible to say no, and your own needs always come last. This free, confidential codependency and people-pleasing test has 10 short questions and takes about two minutes. At the end you will see what your answers suggest and what to consider next.
Take the codependency test
Answer each question honestly, thinking about your close relationships. You do not need to give your name or email.
The results are not a diagnosis. If your answers raise concerns, a confidential conversation with a professional can help you understand the pattern and start to change it.
What is codependency?
Codependency is a pattern of relating to others in which a person’s sense of worth and safety depends on pleasing, rescuing or controlling someone else. It is not a formal diagnosis, but therapists recognize it as a real and painful pattern. It often develops in families affected by addiction, illness or emotional neglect, and it frequently shows up in people who live with someone who is addicted.
Common signs of codependency and people pleasing
- Finding it very hard to say no, even when you are exhausted
- Feeling responsible for other people’s feelings and choices
- Needing approval to feel good about yourself
- Avoiding conflict at almost any price
- Staying in relationships that hurt you, out of guilt or fear
- Not knowing what you yourself want or need
Codependency and addiction
Codependency often appears in families living with addiction. Out of love and fear, family members cover for the person, pay their debts and try to control their using, and slowly lose themselves along the way. If someone close to you is struggling with addiction, take our living with an addict self-test, and read the connection between addiction and codependency and enabling versus taking responsibility.
Getting support
Families do better when they get support for themselves, not only for their loved one. Retorno’s English-speaking team offers guidance for family members, including parents and spouses who live abroad. Read our page for parents of addicts, or contact Retorno for a confidential consultation.
Frequently asked questions
What is the difference between caring and codependency?
Caring means helping while still respecting your own needs and limits. Codependency means helping at the cost of yourself, often out of fear, guilt or a need to be needed.
Is codependency a mental illness?
Codependency is not a formal diagnosis. It is a learned pattern of behavior that therapists recognize and help people change.
Can codependency be treated?
Yes. Therapy, support groups and learning to set healthy boundaries can help people with codependent patterns build relationships that are good for them too.
Is this codependency test confidential?
Yes. The test is free, and you do not need to give your name or email to take it.
Finished the self-test?
You don't have to figure this out alone
A self-test can't diagnose an addiction, but it can be a sign that it's time to talk to someone. Our English-speaking team can help you understand your options, for yourself or for someone you love.
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